oh god, I m getting more and more crazy as days goes by.
I don't know whats wrong with me. So when you see me cry, don't ask me why I cry. Cause I don't know either. Its just that i cannot keep all the emotions inside me any longer. And what caused all the emotions inside me? I don't know.
Trust me, I am really going crazy.
Anyway, Yan Fang send me this msg which made me cry:
Don't sad girl. If it hurts so much don't move on. Don't smile. You've been living our expectations. It's tiring. Let it go. You need a break girl. You are not a super woman. Yes I know you can't let go. Since we've tried so hard to make you let go and you can't, that means this method is not working. Take a break from us. Stop trying to smile when you doesn't want to. Throw all your temper, cry all you want for one day. After that, look around. Perharps you will feel better and fresh. Freedom is not worth having if you have to live your life how the other people asked you to. Take off your mask. Give yourself a break. It's not easy to let go.
She understands me so well.
And so do Brian.
Though ours is different case, we are going through the same thing.
And in class today, he told me this:
Fotgetting love = ignore = hates = hurts
No matter what, you will still hurt.
And I copy this from his organiser(he always write about such stuffs in his organiser) :
Forget, but don't ignore.
Its forgetting that hurts.
Its knowing that you've been possibly ignored and avoided that hurts; its knowing that you want to ignore and avoid in return that hurts.
And you know why you had to ignore and avoid in return?
Because you're not forgoten, and you are atill trying to forget.
That hurts alot.
Its tring to forget love that brings hate.
Hate comes because we feel so hurt so much trying to forget.
Its knowing that you have know hate, that hurts.
And we know we can and shouldn't love, cause we've forgotten, and its hurt trying.
"This is happy?
Happy when you've lost your aim, when you've lost everything last time?"
Anyway I learnt alot of things from Xinpeng and Brian today. They two also got many problems with their relationship life. But unlike me, they don't let it affect their studies and they don't show it. How I wish I can be like them. Cause life still goes on. No matter what happens, the world won't stop for you. Everyone will still be moving on with their life and in the end, you will be left behind.
'Cause no matter what happens, the fact still remains. We still cannot let go.'
-Yan Fang
Haiz. Headache is getting more and more worse. Having sore throat too. I think I am going sick. I really need a rest. I sleep for less than 5hrs everyday. Maybe I'll try to sleep early tonight? I hope so. Cause don't believe myself. And so what if I did slept early? Would I have a good night rest? Won't I have nightmares? Won't I wake up in the middle of the night with tears?
And I don't know why I love talking to myself nowadays. And I can hear voices. In my head or in the surrounding. I think I am really going mad. I am mad anyway. -.-
半情歌 - 元若藍
花 接受凋零
風 接受追尋
心的傷還有一些不要緊
我接受你的決定
你將會被誰抱緊
唱什麼歌哄他開心
我想著天空什麼時候會放晴
地球不曾為誰停一停
你的明天有多快樂不是我的
我們的愛是唱一半的歌
時間把習慣換了
傷口癒合
也撤銷我再想你的資格
你的祝福 一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人殘念的總是未完成的
我只能唱著一半的歌
我的明天快不快樂都是我的
我們的愛是唱一半的歌
時間把習慣換了
傷口癒合
也撤銷我再想你的資格
你的祝福 一半甜的一半苦的
像我手中冷掉的可可
最最教人殘念的總是未完成的
另一半的歌
Half of a Love Song - Shorty Yuen
Flower accepts withering
Wind accepts searching
There are still some alright injuries in the heart
I accept your decision
Who will hold you tight
What song will you sing to make her happy
I wonder when the sky will turn sunny
Earth never stops for anyone
How happy your are tomorrow has nothing to do with me
Our love is a song half sung
Time changes the habit
Heals the wound
And cancels my qualification to think of you
Your blessing is half sweet, half bitter
Like the cold cocoa in my hand
The most, most regretful is always the unfinished
The song I could only sing half
Whether I'm happy tomorrow only concerns me
Our love is a song half sung
Time changes the habit
Heals the wound
And cancels my qualification to think of you
Your blessing is half sweet, half bitter
Like the cold cocoa in my hand
The most, most regretful is always the unfinished
Other half of the song
I am in a mess right now.