Oh my god.
I really don't know how to react.
Really, my life is like what wei ming once said-drama.
So many things that happened in drama come to life in my life.
Before school starts today, cried for I think around 30 mins on the teacher's desk before going for assembly.
Really, cannot take it. Missing someone sucks. Losing someone sucks too. The most suckish thing is when all the memories came flooding back. Made a very big mistake to dare myself to listen to that song..
During school, the two free period, Yilin, Jiaxuan, Cynthia and Taymin all help me by saying this and saying that. But I black out most of the time..
After school, Ms Zuraida told me that she knew what happened to me and asked me to be strong and share her story with me. Hoho. Thanks :D
It did makes me wants to be stronger.
Then after science extra class, Ms Sor asked me why I cry yesterday. And she guessed it straight away.
Then I go look for Mr Lai. Wanted to clear alot of maths problems with him. But in the end, he spend most of the time giving me a love lecture. He told me what is a real strong relationship and shared with me his experiences. And teaches me how to move on and be strong.
Omg, thanks to all those whom tried to help me and help me get over it. But I think what I really need is time. But it is really long enough already. I got to do something about. Musn't let it affect my studies.
Speaking of studies, today got to know many of my result. Can I cry? I wish I can.
English I got 59.8. Really, want to cry already.
Chinese worse..97.4/160. Arghh.
History is me 'best' 33.3. Nice number right?
My maths I get 79. Arghh. Wanted to score higher.
Science is the one which makes me want to cry most. 78!
The highest in class is 92.
Whom is JQ.
And second in class is Brian, 88.
But Brian still very emo. Cause JQ beat him.
I still remember CA1 me and Brian got top in class for science, 94.
But now?!
Omg, I want cry already..
And I heard from my mother that my paternal side grandfather is diagnosed with liver cancer. He only have three months left. OMG. I still remember when I saw him on 23 of may, he is still healthy and strong. He can still joke around and have fun. But now.. omg. I still cannot believe it man. It is so sad. But I can't cry anymore. The tears are all dried up and my eyes hurt alot alot from all those crying. Even blinking them hurts now.
Ok, back to the topic..
I still remember when I was young, when I was living with him in toa payoh, he always bring me to the void deck and played with me. He always joke around with me. And since I am his eldest grandchildren, he always set high expectations for me but I always disappoint him again and again. He always gave me those things I wanted unconditionally but I never cherish them. And he always wanted to see me get into U. But now, he have only three months left.
OMGGGGG.
Anyway, Mr Lai thinks that I have a mild case of depression.
Gave me a shock. omg...
Thats why he want to help me before it gets serious.
Arghh. Must concentrate on studies. Streaming is coming.
Add oil, add oil.
I still remember what wei ming told me months ago: Move on. You can't be stuck here forever. He has already move on and won't come back to help you move on. Thats never the case.
I feel like screaming, reqally, I do. All these pain, stress, suffering, sadness and mix emotions are running deep in my heart. I can't and don't know how to let it all out. I think screaming is the best. But where to go?
I really needs him now..