"never hold on too long. or you'll find yourself troubled with a mind filled with memory than it is with hope." -Brian
I should stop thinking what what might have been or could have been. I must respect, support and accept his decision, even if it means hurting me. I should get on with my life. Concentrate on streamings and dance. But why, I always black out upon thinking about him. And it occurs every second, every minute, every hour of my everyday.
I thought I can move on, I can be strong. But why whenever I see him, the feelings will still come flooding back(did it even leave?), the memories, everything. But by being cold to me, it is like stabbing my wounds at the same place agian and again. Adding salt to the wound. Oh god. No one can imagine how much it hurts. And the pain..it is just so unbearable. But I still got to smile and laugh out loud like nothing is wrong, and I am not hurting. And I deceived everyone but myself.
I am starting to hate lying.
And I always thought tha I was strong. I can make it through anything. Yeah, I did. I made it through alot of things in life. I was strong. But now I am suffering from depression because of this thing? Yeah, to many people, it may seem like a small thing. But it mean alot alot to me.
And I asked xinpeng 'Do I look like I am suffering from depression?'
her: 'yes, you look super fragile.'
And I went around asking people 'Do I look fragile?'
And everyone answered : 'Yes.'
omg..
Why does time files so fast?